Why

I suffer from deep depression, and i guess in a way this will be a great therapy for me. I'm not very good with words and this may not make any since to any one but me, but blogging about it will help me deal with it better than i am now.


We all have storeys to tell. We are born and given choices. Our choices are made for us when we are babies and can not make them for ourselves. The moment we are born our story begins. How the story goes and even ends depend on what choices where made. I have a story to tell.

I grew up in what I thought to be the country. My par tents bought a piece of land and where going to build a house. We lived there in a trailer until my dad got up enough money to start building our home. We worked on the house a little bit at a time and finely got enough done to move into it. It was just a half of a house, no running water and heated by a wood burning stove. We had an outhouse, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was a tomboy growing up, I did not care much for the girlie things.

I was so excited when my big sister Daleen was coming to visit us. It was going to be the first time she would see our new house. Daleen was from my dads first marriage and we did not get to see her very much. At bed time she would read us, my sister Tammy and I, a bed time story.
When she arrived at our new house we showed her around the new house, it wasn't much but it was home. She did not look very happy to be there. I heard my dad talking to her and a few hours later she was gone. I did not really know what happen no one really told me, I just assumed it was because of the house not being done and that we had no running water.
We never saw her again, only at family reunions and that sort of things. I know nothing about my big sister. I use to hate her for what she had done to me leaving me, forgetting about me and my sister. what did we do that was so bad that a sister would just forget about her baby sisters. I have seen my daddy cry three times and twice was over her and I hated her for that. To this day I dint really know what happen that day. She still dose not talk to us. I often wonder what would my story be like if Daleen would have stayed and loved me like a big sister should. What kind of person would i be now? would I be a better person? Or worse? I don't know what that answer would be. My sister Tammy, we don't have a close relationship and I think how close wold I be if Daleen gave me a chance to be a sister.

I have two children of my own. A girl and a boy. I tell them every day almost that they are the only friends they have. True friends love you unconditionally and brother and sisters are suppose to be there for each other watch out for one another and always love them. When you get older and need someone your brother will be there i tell my daughter and vise verse. Don't ever forget that I make them hug and make up. They hate it but they are young they will understand when they get older. I wish i had a sister that just loved me and wanted to be in my life. Cherish your brother and sisters now. Don't ask yourself "Why" don't they want to be in my life.